Author: Jim Donovan
Life happens. It doesn't matter how positive an attitude you
have or how balanced and centered you are, there are going to be
times when you are knocked down. Ties when your carefully
organized life is turned upside down and you get knocked on your
rear end. Life happens.
You will no doubt experience serious illness in either yourself
or someone close to you. You may be challenged with the loss of
a loved one, a divorce or perhaps the loss of a job or any
number of situations that will leave you feeling like you were
kicked in the stomach.
Let's face it. These things will happen. They're part of life
and no matter how you try to explain them away with the idea
that, "everything happens for a reason," they hurt. A lot! They
hurt at the very core of your being. The pain begins in your
heart and radiates throughout your entire being. Repeating
positive phrases does not make it stop hurting.
At times like these, you're going to feel down, even depressed.
You probably feel anger or some other manifestation of your
pain. Whatever you're feeling, it's ok. It's ok to feel hurt,
sad, angry or whatever your true feelings are. You cannot deny
pain any more than can deny fear. The only way through either of
them is to give yourself permission to feel the feeling.
The question is not whether or not you will feel down. The
question is for how ling will you stay in this state?
The difference between people who get through life's challenging
moments, regardless of the seriousness, and those who are
immobilized by the events is what I call the "Bounce factor."
How quickly can you bounce back? Of course, the severity of the
event will have a lot to do with the time it will take you to
get past the pain and on with your life.
Take the example of two people being downsized from their high
technology jobs, something that is becoming a natural occurrence
these days. One, whom we'll call John, is floored by the news of
his dismissal. He expresses his pain by becoming angry at the
company, his co-workers and the system in general. He spends his
days telling anyone who'll listen, about his "problem." Usually
from a bar stool.
As he sees it, his life is ruined and he's blaming everyone for
his troubles. People who react like John spend weeks, even
months, wallowing in despair until, if they're fortunate,
someone close to them convinces them to seek professional help.
Mary, on the other hand, reacts much differently. Although she
has gone through the same experience as John and has pretty much
the same issues like living expenses, etc., she chooses to react
differently.
After a brief period of feeling a loss of self-esteem, self-pity
and anger, Mary decides to get back in the game. She begins
contacting her network of colleagues and co-workers, avails
herself of the outplacement services her former employer offered
everyone and starts actively looking for a new position. In a
short time, Mary finds her "dream job" with an exciting new
company.
While both people in our hypothetical example Had the same
experience and both went through a period of hurting, the time
each allowed themselves to remain in that dis-empowering state
was vastly different. While John remained "stuck" in his
problem, Mary handled her loss and moved on with her life.
This is the key. It's not whether life occasionally puts you
into a tailspin, it's how long you remain there.
When something devastating happens to you, allow yourself some
time to grieve your loss, however, don't allow yourself to get
stuck there. Take some action. Join a support group, talk about
your feelings with a trusted friend or your spiritual advisor.
If necessary, seek professional help.
In the case of a job loss, perhaps you want to take some time to
re-evaluate your career goals. You may even consider a change in
fields. When you're ready, you can begin networking and making
new contacts. Attend social or church events. Call people you
know. Do something!
One of the most important things to remember in high stress
situations is not to allow yourself to isolate. While spending
some time alone is normal, even necessary, isolation can be
dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. Get out and be
with people as soon as possible. As a friend recently reminded
me, "life is for the living." It's important to get back to your
life. In time, the pain will pass.
About the author:
Jim Donovan is a motivational speaker and the author of several
books, including Handbook to a Happier Life (New World Library).
For a free ebook or audio and a subscription to his newsletter
visit http://www.jimdonovan.com
www.peterjjackson.com
